ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
