I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
