We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So much rum. So many feels.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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