Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
