A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
