Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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