We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
