There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
