The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize