you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
