The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
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I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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