That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
