dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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