we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
