It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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