how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
