saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
