idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Randomize
