just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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