But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
