using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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