So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.