Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
