I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
