i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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