yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
