i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
