I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
