he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
