How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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