Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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