I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
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She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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