i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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