Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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