I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
