hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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