yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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