my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
