A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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