so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
