You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
