Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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