I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh god it's open bar.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
