Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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