Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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