Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize