Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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