omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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