if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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