Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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