...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
