I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
