Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
