Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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