You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
