if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
